Bayleef's Hut

Post Reply  Post Thread 

Quotes from Famous Comedians and Actors
Author Message
White Phoenix

Posts: 177
Group: Registered
Joined: Aug 2007
Status: Offline

Post: #1
Quotes from Famous Comedians and Actors

Bayleef Wrote:

lol I like your quotes. I like the one with the $50,000 dollars and sending a dollar in. Any more?

Sure, about 40 years worth. How much time do you have?

I have a lot of stories from old comedians that you probably haven’t heard of, but their stories and jokes are still good. Milton Burle had the reputation for stealing jokes from the other comics. Often on his TV series he would say, “Wish I’d said that.” Someone else would always reply, “Don’t worry, you will.”

He once said, “If you’re going to steal, steal from the best.”

Remember the quote from Jim Hart? To give you a better idea of who he was here’s another quote from him: I've been the ‘other’ Lone Ranger for 50 years. There are worse things people could call me.

An onion can make people cry, but there’s never been a vegetable that can make them laugh. -Will Rogers

It's much easier to make people cry than to make them laugh. -Vivien Leigh

Jay Silverheels was an avid horse-racer when not acting. When asked if he ever thought about running Silver or Scout (who portrayed the steeds of the Lone Ranger and Tonto, respectively) in a race, Silverheels laughed: “Heck, I can beat Scout.”

I like children—baked or broiled. -W. C. Fields (who left his fortune to an orphanage)

Some quotes from Groucho Marx:
I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

[When told that a swimming pool was off-limits to Jews] “My son is half-Jewish; can he wade in up to his knees?”

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

Military intelligence is a contridiction in terms.

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest: Ask him; if he says ‘yes,’ you know he is crooked.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them, I have others.

On how it felt to be an elder statesman of comedy, c. late-1960’s: “[I feel] like an old jerk.”

Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

[asked in 1975 if he’d seen any recent movies] “I saw Jaws (1975). But I think it would have been funnier if a guppy had swallowed the boat instead of a shark.”

She got her good looks from her father—he’s a plastic surgeon.

Groucho had two brothers, Chico and Harpo. Together they were known as the Marx Brothers, a famous comic trio like the Three Stooges. If you have never seen a Marx Brothers movie do so. It doesn’t matter which one. Some were better than others, but they all had great scenes. And Chico and Harpo were the most under-rated musicians in history—and the most fun to watch.

Unmade-up and out of costume, the resemblance between Chico and his brother Harpo Marx was extraordinary. On the TV game show I’ve Got a Secret (1952), Chico once appeared in Harpo’s wig and costume, with the “secret” “I’m Pretending To Be Harpo Marx (I’m Chico)” and fooled all the panelists—including Groucho Marx.

When Harpo trained himself in the harp, he later learned that he did it the wrong way. However, when he became famous, many musicians came to him to learn his method of harp playing.

Harpo once crashed a Hollywood costume party at the home of Marion Davies, dressed as Kaiser Wilhelm. He had to hitchhike to get home, and ended up being arrested by Beverly Hills police on charges of vagrancy, illegal entry, escaping from jail in Gloversville, New York, impersonating Kaiser Wilhelm, and impersonating Harpo Marx.

Once, while playing a theater in Winnipeg, Manitoba during a vaudeville tour, the Marx Brothers had a disagreement with the theater’s manager regarding their pay. At the end of the Marx Brothers’ engagement there, the manager paid them the amount they had demanded . . . in several large sacks containing the proper amount in the form of pennies, nickels and dimes. Since the brothers’ train was departing in ten minutes, the brothers had no choice except to lug the sacks onto the train with them. As the train departed, Harpo shouted to the manager, ‘I hope your theater burns to the ground.’ And that night, it did. After that time, Groucho Marx always explained that the real reason Harpo’s voice was never heard on-screen was that his voice was like the axe hanging on the backstage wall of every theater: To be used only in case of emergencies.

Harpo was vacationing in England and was engaged in nude sunbathing when he was surprised by an elderly man and woman. He wrapped his towel around his middle and stood up and introduced himself. The husband introduced himself as George Bernard Shaw, the famous writer and philosopher. Without warning Shaw snatched the towel away and then said, “And this is Mrs. Shaw!” It was the start of a lifelong friendship.

Harpo Marx quotes:
If things get too much for you and you feel the whole world’s against you, go stand on your head. If you can think of anything crazier to do, do it.

I am the most fortunate self-taught harpist and non-speaking actor who has ever lived.

Famous for never speaking, Harpo would often send telegrams to his family which always read, “No message.”

I’ve gotta million of ’em. -Jimmy Durante

If you want to know more about great comics try the Wikipedia. Also the Internet Movie Database ( will help you find their films and TV shows.

All things old are new again.

Today 02:45 AM
Send the author an email Send the author a private message Visit authors website Find all posts by this author Quote this message in a reply
2nd Lieutenant

Posts: 3
Group: Registered
Joined: Jan 2010
Status: Offline
Post: #2
RE: Quotes from Famous Comedians and Actors

Charlie Chaplin Quotes

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.

You have to believe in yourself, that's the secret. Even when I was in the orphanage, when I was roaming the street trying to find enough to eat, even then I thought of myself as the greatest actor in the world.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles.

Today 10:24 AM
Send the author an email Send the author a private message Find all posts by this author Quote this message in a reply
2nd Lieutenant

Posts: 3
Group: Registered
Joined: Dec 2010
Status: Offline
Post: #3
RE: Quotes from Famous Comedians and Actors

"Robin Williams Quotes
Robin Williams has a background in stand up comedy, so it is no wonder that he is full of great quotes."

"Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Today 08:54 PM
Send the author an email Send the author a private message Find all posts by this author Quote this message in a reply

Post Reply  Post Thread 

View a Printable Version
Send this Thread to a Friend
Subscribe to this Thread | Add Thread to Favorites
Rate This Thread:

Forum Jump: